Note to self: Avoid Laker Fans

I guess I should be up front about my feelings toward Kobe Bryant. I don't either like or dislike him as a person. I imagine he has an average personality for an NBA player- arrogant, promiscuous, etc, not that I think about his personality.

My dislike for Kobe has to do with my distaste for his game. He's overconfident in his own abilities and underconfident(1) in his teammates', particularly Shaquille O'Neal's. He has terrible shot selection, doesn't make his teammates better, often eschews the triangle offense in favor of one-on-one (or more) play, and generally goes around with a sense of entitlement, i.e. "how dare the Lakers not surround me with championship-caliber teammates after I ran the former ones out of town?"

Kobe started his career with one of the top 10 players of all time in his prime, Shaquille O'neal. Kobe rode Shaq's coattails to three straight NBA championships, undermining Shaq and the Lakers along the way. Then, after losing in the second round in 2003 and in the finals in 2004, Bryant succeeded in getting rid of the man who basically gave him three rings, and Bryant finally got a team he could call his own.

As a Laker-hater and Kobe-hater, it pleased me immensely to see Kobe's post-Shaq Lakers stumble to a 34-48 record in 2005. As did 45-37 and 42-40 records, and two first round playoff exits, the next two years. This year, as the Lakers were headed for 50+ wins after about the first third of the season, I tried reassuring myself that it wouldn't last. After all, the Lakers started last year 26-13 only to go 16-27 the rest of the way. Surely the Lakers would fall back to low- to mid-forties and possibly even miss the playoffs in the tough West, and Kobe could finish his career floundering on mediocre Lakers teams like he so richly deserves.

Except they didn't get worse. In fact, they have gotten way better as the season has gone on. After a 9-8 start, the Lakers have since gone 34-10, while outscoring opponents 108.9 to 100.3. As of today, the Lakers are one of the best and hottest teams in the NBA. Since February, the Lakers have gone 15-2 (albeit against an easy schedule), outscoring opponents 110.7 to 98.7. The Lakers are on the short list of teams that have a chance to win a title, and Kobe is probably the frontrunner for the MVP award.

In sum, it's not improbable that the Los Angeles Lakers will win the championship a few weeks after Kobe wins his first MVP award. Even if they don't win this year, or if he doesn't win the MVP this year, they will still be in contention for the foreseeable future. Do I hate this turn of events? Isn't this the opposite of what I've wanted ever since the Shaq-Kobe Lakers defeated the Kings in the 2002 Western Conference Finals on the strength of their 80 fourth-quarter-and-overtime free throw attempts in Game 6? Why don't I grimace in pain whenever the Lakers win, like when they did so against the Suns on February 20th?

First, the Lakers. Why don't they bother me? It's simple. They're very unselfish on offense. More importantly, they play fast. They're third in the NBA in scoring at 107.7 points per game. Only the Suns (109.4) and Warriors (110.0) average more. I know some people blow hard and say I shouldn't favor offense over defense, and that, say, a 69-65 game is just as pleasant to watch as a 109-105 game, but they're stupid. Basketball at its most enjoyable is played at a fast pace. This is a fact. You show me someone who prefers a point guard walking the ball up the court, dribbling near the half court line, and then initiating an offense with ten seconds left on the shot clock, and I'll show you someone who just got punched in the balls. By me. A non-attacking offense is like dead air on the radio: You're just waiting to get to the good stuff. It's not so much that I prefer offense over defense (though I do), it's that I prefer action over inaction. There is little dead air when the Lakers play.

Back to the Suns-Lakers game on February 20th. The Lakers won 130-124 in an up-and-down affair. One could criticize the respective defenses, and rightfully so. Here's the thing, though. Four years ago, if one team outshot another 57 to 52 percent, the score would have been closer to 110-104 because so much time would have been wasted while the offense had to think of something to do within 24 seconds. The game had fast breaks and free flowing 80's-style basketball. Guys like Derek Fisher and Grant Hill were running on fast breaks and hitting midrange jump shots with 21 seconds left on the clock. The loss to the Lakers was disappointing, but the basketball was top-notch.

Secondly, Kobe Bryant. Kobe still has a lot of the problems he's had for most of his career. He still has horrible shot selection. He still tries to go one-on-five too often. Despite all that, he's still a much better player and teammate than he has been for most of his career. He shares the spotlight with teammates and lets them create. He sometimes even does the one thing that truly separates the superstars from the superduperstars: he makes his teammates better, though he still doesn't do this as much as others. If Kobe stops doing the things that make me despise him, then I have no choice but to stop despising him.

At least, until I read a bunch of crap from delusional Kobe-worshippers. Take, for example, this claptrap that was recently linked by truehoop. Let's break down Mr. Green's article piece by piece:


"You wouldn’t think a man who seems to have everything would need anything.
You wouldn’t think a man loved by millions might need a friend.
Kobe Bryant has oodles of talent, tons of money, a pretty wife, beautiful young family and the respect, if not unconditional affection, of most of his peers. So what could a man with all that possibly need?
Oh, just understanding, appreciation and, finally, an end to the hating."

Introduction. Nothing to comment about.

"Understand what, you say?
That he is the best player in the NBA by eons and quite possibly more skilled than even Michael Jordan."

Yeah, and maybe Wolfmother is more skilled than Led Zeppelin. Now pass the bong. If you immerse yourself in the Kobe-worshipping literature, you'll notice that there are a lot more declarations that Kobe is "more skilled" than Jordan than there are that Kobe is "better" than Jordan. Being better than Jordan would imply that he know how to put his skills to use better than Jordan. Being able to pump fake, drive, spin right, and swish a double-clutch fade is a nice ability. It really is. Being smart enough not to take such a low-percentage shot is even nicer. Furthermore, besides having more range on his jumpshot, I'm not sure where else Kobe is more skilled than Jordan. Jordan's biggest advantage over Kobe is in the intangibles department- unselfishness, decisionmaking, making teammates better, leadership. Note that these qualities never qualify as "skills" to the Kobe-worshippers.

Another common theme in the Kobe-worshipping literature is the avoidance of argument when declaring Kobe the best player in the NBA. He's usually "hands down" the best or "unarguably," or in this case, "the best player by eons." The reader is supposed to be intimidated into not questioning the speaker. Kobe may be the best player in the NBA (I don't think so), but he certainly isn't the best by eons. Give me a break. It's debatable.

"Appreciation? Yup, by finally naming him MVP of the league."

Finally? As in, he should have won it before? One may feel like Kobe should have been the MVP before, but you can't just give him one any more than you can give one to Jerry West because he didn't have one, or to so and so because he should have had more. MVPs are given once per year to one player for that player's and his team's performance during that specific year. Let's take a look at Kobe's past years in the NBA and see when he should have been given the award, if ever.

1997-9: His first three years, in which he received zero votes. I hope no one thinks he should have won these years.
2000: Shaq wins by a landslide, as he should have. Kobe finished 12th. Again, no contest.
2001: Allen Iverson wins while Kobe finishes 9th. Kobe averages 28.5/5.9/5, and the Lakers win 56 games with 74 games from Shaq, who should have won MVP.
2002: Kobe averages 25.2/5.5/5.5 to finish fifth in MVP voting as the Lakers win 58 games. Tim Duncan wins with 25.5/12.7/3.7 and 58 wins.
2003: Kobe averages an impressive 30/6.9/5.9 to finish third behind Tim Duncan (23.3/12.9/3.9, 60 wins) and Kevin Garnett (23/13.4/6, 51 wins). Here's what was less impressive, though. Playing alongside Shaq for 67 games, Kobe and the Lakers went 50-32. Fifty wins is already insufficient for an MVP candidate, but having Shaq in his prime on your team and winning only 50 games is not impressive at all.
2004: Kobe averages 24/5.5/5.1 and the Lakers win 56 games while Kobe finishes fifth in MVP voting. Kevin Garnett averages 24.2/13.9/5 while his T-Wolves win 58 games. Hmm, same number of points, some number of assists, eight more rebounds, two more wins. I'd give KG the edge in this one.

Of all the reasons Kobe shouldn't have won an MVP award at this point in his career, the strongest was this: He wasn't the MVP of his own team. Even when he finished ahead of Shaq in the voting and was receiving more accolades than Shaq, Shaq was still the most irreplaceable part of that team. So how has Kobe done as the best player on his team?

2005: Kobe averages 27.6/5.9/6 as the Lakers go 34-48. Kobe Bryant receives zero votes, which is what one might expect for the best player on the 21st best team.
2006: Kobe averages 35.4/5.3/4.5 and his Lakers go 45-37 while Kobe finishes fourth in the MVP voting. He certainly had a great year, but 45-37 is not going to get you the award, especially when all he did was score a lot. Add another five rebounds and you'd have an argument.
2007: Kobe averages 31.6/5.7/5.4 and the Lakers go 42-40. He finishes third. Fort-two wins.

There you go. What year, pray tell, should he have won it?


"And hating? That’s right, it’s time to put a merciful end to the petty envy and ugly jealousies, time to stop holding Colorado over his head, time to stop penalizing him because he’s ridiculously gifted and kinda comes across like he knows it."


It's not so much that he's arrogant about his own abilities. That can be easily overcome. Jordan and Bird were arrogant, too. The problem with Kobe is that, to paraphrase Barry Switzer, he started his NBA career on third base, and goes through his career thinking he hit a triple. I imagine people would turn against Lebron if his career path mirrored Kobe's: He whines his way out of playing for Cleveland (remember Kobe was drafted by Charlotte, not LA), and onto the Spurs where he wins three championships as Tim Duncan's sidekick, and once he has no use for Tim, he runs him off the team to avoid sharing the spotlight.

As for "holding Colorado over his head," he's right. Too many people bring that up as evidence against him as a basketball player, when really, it's more an indictment of the kind of person he is.

"It seems crazy to me that for every Kobe jersey you see in arenas around the country, for the millions of Number 24’s that are worn in China, there seem to be an equal number or more who refuse to give this generational treasure his just due.
I’m not talking about naming him to All-Star teams or All-NBA first teams or even paying him the 20 mil or whatever it is he makes in salary each year. He’s earned all that.
I’m talking about recognizing how hard he plays, how hard he works to make his teammates better, how he leads by words and example.
The rap in the past that he didn’t make his teammates better? Bullfeathers. He passed to them. They missed. What was he supposed to do, shoot it in the basket for them?"

Let's compare Kobe's shooting to this team's overall shooting over his career

1997: Kobe 41.7% Lakers 45.4%
1998: Kobe 42.8% Lakers 48.1%
1999: Kobe 46.5% Lakers 46.8%
2000: Kobe 46.8% Lakers 45.9%
2001: Kobe 46.4% Lakers 46.5%
2002: Kobe 46.9% Lakers 46.1%
2003: Kobe 45.1% Lakers 45.1%
2004: Kobe 43.8% Lakers 45.4%
2005: Kobe 43.3% Lakers 43.7%
2006: Kobe 45.0% Lakers 45.3%
2007: Kobe 46.3% Lakers 46.6%
2008: Kobe 46.3% Lakers 48.0%

Total: Kobe 45.3% Lakers 46.1%

Interesting theory about his teammates not shooting as well as him. Too bad the facts don't back it up. I'm sure Kobe uses the same "reasoning" used by Mr. Green. He seems to judge his teammates more harshly than he judges himself. When he has one of his 12-30 games, he has no qualms about putting up 30 more shots the next game. If two of his teammates combine to shoot 12-30, he makes sure they don't shoot 30 times the next game.

"Look at the Lakers now: If you don’t think Jordan Farmar, Sasha Vujacic and Ronny Turiaf are all light years better than a year ago, you’re just not paying attention."

Non sequitir, unless he made them improve. Besides, Farmar is 21 and in his second season, Vujacic is 23 and in his fourth season, and Turiaf is 25 and in his third season. It's likely these guys' improvement is due to experience and maturity that comes with being in the league a few years.

Besides, making teammates better doesn't mean making them improve their games, it means making the game easier for them on the court, which Kobe does only marginally, and a lot less than certain other players.

"Heck, playing in the backcourt with Kobe, Derek Fisher at an age (33) when lots of guys are fading, is having a career year, with all-time bests in every shooting category. Coincidence? Not hardly."

First of all, if it were hardly a coincidence, that would pretty much mean it's not a coincidence. If it's not hardly a coincidence, that would mean it is a coincidence. Double negative, buddy.

More importantly, Derek Fisher has spent most of his career with Kobe, anyway. There is therefore a good chance that Fisher will achieve career highs alongside Kobe.

Or I could argue that Fisher's excellent shooting percentages this year are due to his improved shooting, unless Kobe's presence is making a career 81% free throw shooter shoot 88% this season.

"I’m also talking about how when it comes to being The Closer, Kobe makes Kyra Sedgwick look like a helpless little girl. Look under “4th Quarter” and Kobe’s probably got a copyright in the government patent office.
Know what? Forget all that."

I'll give Kobe that. He's a great clutch shooter. He's heartless, he's ruthless, etc.

"What I’m REALLY talking about is, for Kobe’s detractors, the haters, to drop the pretense and stop the posturing and just admit that as a shooter, driver, finisher and defender, as the ultimate basketball Jedi master as we speak here in the late winter of 2008, Lebron James with all his Nike marketing power and funny/cutesy Old Man commercials, can’t hold Kobe’s jock. Or gym bag.
Oh, he can hold it, all right, but only if he asks real nicely."

He's a better shooter (by far) and defender (by a comfortable margin) than Lebron (though the gap is quickly closing in both categories), but is he a better finisher or driver? I disagree on both counts, but let's just say you're right. How is it that Kobe is a better shooter, driver, and finisher than Lebron, has a great offensive coach, while Lebron has spent his career surrounded by below-average offensive coaches and point guards, yet consistently shoots at a higher clip than Kobe? Does shot selection not matter at all?

And please, even if Kobe is better than Lebron (and Steve Nash and Tim Duncan) and is the best player in the league, it's debatable. Kobe isn't in a category by himself as much as all the Kobe-worshippers wish he were. This year, Lebron is averaging two more points, two more rebounds, two more assists and is shooting 2% better from the field. Yeah, I know statistics don't tell the whole story blah blah blah, but Lebron can hold whoever's jock he wants. Or something like that.

"By having the b*lls to light a fire under Laker management and calling them out last summer when they were derelict in their promise to put a team around him; and then, by putting those unkind words and bad blood behind him as if it never happened once he hit the court in November..."

Wow. He put his own unkind words regarding his teammates behind him. It takes a special person to forgive his own douchebaggery. What a saint.

"...never shortchanging his employers with his herculean efforts; by maturing into the kind of leader who pushes and encourages his teammates instead of scolding and demeaning them (see Andrew Bynum); by scoring points as if they’re bunches of grapes; by making more highlight plays in any given game than most other so-called superstars make in a month; by hitting hundreds of shots that make you shake your head and wonder if he’s even human; by leading the Lakers to the top of the Pacific Division and third best record in the NBA when many experts had them as an eight seed or worse; and dammit, by still playing like a genius virtuoso with a pinky finger that is so broken and mangled, a top hand specialist recommended immediate surgery; for dropping 41 on the Suns in Phoenix with a freaking half-broken shooting hand!; for all those reasons and probably 100 more I haven’t thought of, Kobe Bean Bryant has finally earned the unconditional respect and admiration he has never quite received from a public that has never embraced him with the same affection they showed for MJ and now the new darling of Hip Hop Hype, Bron Bron."

Mostly true, except a little hyperbole ("by making more highlight plays in any given game than most other so-called superstars make in a month"), and again with the Lebron-bashing. What did Lebron ever do to you, besides having a winning career head-to-head record (6-3) against, Kobe, including a 98-95 win this year in which Kobe was benched with 5:22 left in the fourth quarter with a one point lead to cool off because his obsession with showing up Lebron (and his inability to score on him) was hurting the team play of the Lakers (seriously, Kobe is 29 years old and in his 12th NBA season. Isn't he a little old to be benched for immature selfishness?), and in which Lebron hit jump shot in Kobe's face to give the Cavs a 96-93 lead with 20 seconds? Besides that, why the need to tear him down?

"I’ve got your Bron Bron right here.
It is absolutely incomprehensible to me, but yet fully expected given the history of Kobe Bryant, that not one major national NBA writer, far as I know, has been smart enough, fair enough or honest enough to come out right now and say what is now startlingly obvious:
That if Bryant isn’t the MVP this year, that award needs to be put on the shelf forever, never to be dusted off again."

He says this as if Kobe were in the midst the greatest individual season ever, and the credibility of the MVP award, nay, of the entire NBA, all depends on Kobe getting the trophy this year. Look, I think Kobe's the MVP this year. If the voting was held today, and I had a vote, I would cast mine for Kobe. But c'mon. Jordan was better than Malone in 1997. Shaq was better than everyone between 2000 and 2003. This would hardly be the greatest injustice in the history of the MVP voting. (Note the single "hardly.")

"Know who the other candidates are this season?
KG? Nope, been hurt. Lebron? With 24 losses in a conference that is dreck? Sure, whatever you say.
In other words, there are no other candidates, not in the no-spin universe free of East Coast bias that I live in."

Gee, I don't know nine missed games disqualified an MVP candidate. As for the Cavs' record, he's right. MVP trophies generally don't go to players on sub-50 win teams.

"In the real, un-spun NBA, it’s Kobe’s world and everybody else is just living in it. And if you don’t believe me, ask the players. Trust me, they’ll tell you."

Including Lebron James, though I disagree. If the NBA is anyone's world, it's Tim Duncan's for the present, as much as I don't want it to be. Nonetheless, point taken. Kobe's respected by his peers.

"Now I’ll be the first to admit: I’ve always respected Kobe, appreciated him, understood his athletic genius, but I never quite embraced him, either. There is, inarguably, something cold, clinical and a little too detached about his public persona, and his postgame sound bites. There is something, the hard edge, that slight chip on the shoulder people perceive, that does stop many fans from feeling warmth for him. But that’s Kobe’s vibe.
It must be how the real assassins roll."

Uh-huh. I guess Magic Johnson wasn't a real assassin, then. Neither was Larry Bird or Michael Jordan, for that matter. Look at all the people that embraced them, those fake assassins and their East-coast spin-believers.

I'm not saying Kobe has to be warm, disarming, charming, or whatever, but you don't have to dismiss anyone less embraceable as a fake or inferior as a basketball player.

" Turns out that off the court, Kobe is giving, outward reaching, socially aware and generous with his time; he’s warm with kids, busy with lots of community and charity work that never makes the papers. In fact, he wants it that way.
But from this point forward, let me suggest to the haters that it isn’t Kobe’s fault some clever Nike marketer never had him be the one to dive into the pool or play four different characters including a grumpy old man.
MJ, he gambled, caroused, bitchslapped teammates, smiled at all the right times, became Nike’s Jumpman, hit the very last shot of his Bulls career to win his sixth and last title (I can still see it in my dreams in slo-mo, the pushoff on Bryon Russell, as if it happened five minutes ago)…and now Michael, his Airness, lives in our hearts forever."

I won't comment on these three paragraphs since they are irrelevant to the main thesis (that Kobe is God).

"Let me be the one to suggest to the haters that if you don’t begin realizing that a true basketball Beethoven is passing your way again, Kobe Bryant is going to be gone before you had a chance to genuinely enjoy and embrace the show."

Here's the thing. I want to enjoy and embrace the show. I don't want to hate or dislike anyone. I like basketball too much to require villains. When Kobe wins the MVP this year, and possibly in future years, when the Lakers make deep playoff runs this year, and possibly in future years, when Kobe scores his 25,000th point, his 30,000th point, his 35,000th (?) point, his 40,000th (!?), point, I want to enjoy it.

Now that Kobe has become less dislikeable and more likeable, I can see myself not grimacing too much when all these events happen, as long as I don't have to be anywhere near Laker fans.

It's been said the Kobe is the most polarizing figure in sports. He is undoubtedly the most polarizing figure in basketball. I'm not a black/white, absolutes kind of person. I'm neither a hater(2), nor a worshipper. And I do mean "worshipper," not "defender," or "fan." People who I know are capable of critical thinking start frothing at the mouth when thinking about Kobe.

Kobe is a very polished offensive and defensive player who, when in the zone, is the most unstoppable scorer in the league, and one of the most unstoppable ever. However, he makes poor decisions, is fundamentally a selfish player, and is not far and away the greatest basketball player on the planet. When I hear someone say that he is, I can't help but tear him down, and bring him back among excellent but mortal basketball players where he belongs.

Please, shut up and let me enjoy (or at least tolerate) the Kobe show for what it is, and not for what it's not.




(1) According to dictionary.com, "underconfident" is not a word, while "overconfident" is. In case you can't figure out what "underconfident" means, it means "not confident enough."
(2) Though I can make exceptions, most notably Bill Laimbeer.